Category Archives: Random Vents

Of course, not everything in life is sweet and easy. Just airing out a few of my frustrations and all the stumbling blocks that get in the way.

Inferiority, identity, reality

I’m not going to sugarcoat this at all, but I’m struggling to defeat an inferiority complex. I’ve always been the idealistic girl with a lot of faith in humanity, despite our varying backgrounds on social strata, race, faith, privilege, and life paths. Of course, I’ve always seen and known about prejudice, stereotypes and the challenges that arise from that. But to experience it in the most subliminal ways, in ways that can simply be scoffed at and yet still have us questioning our identity…..those are all too real. Not just real, but painful, common and recent. I’m trying my hardest not to let it get to me, but it’s literally eating at my core.

The question is: who am I in the midst of all of that? Do I stand out or do I blend in? What am i doing about it? This is clearly a defining point and I need to make the most of it.

Ako ay matatag na babae. Panginoon, tulungan nyo po ako.

NTS 5: Everything will be ok in the end, if it’s not OK it’s not the end

I’ve been wanting to post here for awhile, but I feel like I’m at a loss for words for all the things I need to sort out in my head. So for now, I’d like to repost something I came across on tumblr. It’s reassuring to say the least.

You Will Be OK, I Promise.

Sometimes I feel the way I think you feel right now.
I used to feel it pretty often.It felt like all the time.
But now, I look back at all the really bad days
and I just can’t help but smile at all the great days in between

And I know it doesn’t make a difference
or make anything better right now
Just know that things do get better
They always do
They have to
If for no other reason than to give us some place real high to fall from
Some place real high up.
Some place to bounce back to.
Because we do bounce back.

So stand up and go outside
And feel the warm sun on your face.
You will be ok, I promise.

Have you ever….?

wanted something so much, but somehow every time you reached out for it it slips right out of your hands? Like having the world at your fingertips, but never in the palm of your hands. Confusing, motivating and frustrating all in one.  It’s a test of wit, determination or a reality check of what’s really meant for you.

Yup, that’s exactly where I am.

Oh dear life, please reach out your other hand and let the magic begin.  I’m ready.

homesick without a home

I’ve been feeling homesick with a painful yearning for nostalgia, but I’m not even sure where “home” really is. Actually, I don’t even know what or whom I’m missing. All I know is, I have a really fervent feeling of being incomplete.

It feels as if everyone and everything that keeps me grounded is quickly drifting away. Every time I try to hang on to something familiar, my arm gets slapped and I am forced to let go. One by one, I am losing what defines me, listlessly floating until I embrace change and become someone else.

Surreal, uncertain, overwhelming…but somehow still invigorating.

There’s a lot to process and a lot to overcome but for now, I survive by the infamous Winnie the Pooh quote: “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” A. A. Milne